Jumpin´on top

Maybe you know your friends are crazy.
But maybe you don´t know how crazy they are.
I saw a guy, a friend, jump up on a car roof, jumping on, up and down on the roof.
It was an old Ford Taunus and he even knew the guy whose car it was.
I shouted at him:”That´s stupid, man, gett off the car and calm down again.”
He said:”That´s nothing, pal, we used to smash the windows and burn them.”
“If it was so you surely had your reasons to do so, but now there is no reason to fuck people you even know besides that you´re making up some sense in you head.”
“I don´t care about what others think or feel, it´s their problem.”
It would be like the times before, in the end we all would pay again, so at least the cops would not sniff into our things, thought of the evening when he turned over a table in the bar we went most often, only because a friend would not listen to him.
He had cut the friend´s talk to some other guy and insisted on being listened to, and when he was told to wait for a moment he freaked out, started shouting at his friend, threw an ashtray in his direction, grabbed the table, turned it over and left the bar.
He didn´t even have a propper way to appologize for his outrageaous times or his emotionlessness about other people.
“It´s their problem.”
I tried to talk with about it when someone else was with us.
He said: “That´s none of your problem.”
So far his conceptual continuity he was proud of in the most intimate way.
He would not ask you questions, that was one part of it.
He would take everything the way it comes as long as he himself did not feel restricted in anyhow which would have provided a sort of ease if not he spread a deep swamp of unlikelyness to be critzised at all, or to be touched in his emotions or belongings anyhow.
If you opposed him in private and showed him the edges then he´d be with you though, even would be happy about it, the more it came from the guts the more happy he´d be and willing to take the words.
But as I said, mostly it did not reach to that point as there are not many moments where people float above swamps, especially when they already lost some power during their time in there.
Meanwhile this made the fact grow cynical that by idea he was very interested in setting up some action with the boys, most likely to his conditions of course.
Somebody else proposing this and that? Sometimes interested.
Leaving the hood? Not interested.
Expecting others to be interested in his stuff? Extremely interested.
He probably was more experienced than most of the guys he surrounded himself with. What a coincidence with his ideas of being an extraordinary person.
So extraordinary he would be allowed to jump somebody else´s car and on everybody else´s feelings and heads.
I saw the tears in the car owner´s eyes even before he arrived.
He loved the car, everybody knew he loved that car.
Most of the others as well shouted: “Hey, that´s not cool, stop it.”, but he would not hear, said, when lately the owner arrived: ”I know what I did was really fucked and stupid, really stupid and fucked up.”, and went for a bottle of wine.
The owner did not cry, but I could see something break inside of him.
Somehow the money would be payed back, maybe not all in the form of money, and it would be alright again, so the guys gave their part, and not to destroy more immaterial things.
I couldn´t.


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(Nov 2009)